Combray was quite an enjoyable read for me. I enjoy books that provide a deep insight into a character’s psyche even if there isn’t a clear plot or a whole lot of events taking place. Our minds barely hold on to one thought for too long, and Proust did a great job demonstrating this. In the beginning, the character tells us in detail his thoughts and perceptions as he goes in and out of sleep. And how he would fall asleep unable to differentiate between reality and what he was reading which is definitely something I, and probably most other readers, relate to. This also reflects how sensitive and in touch with his thoughts and feelings the character is. We learn more about this when we read about his childhood, his mind riddled with uncertainty and anxiety that he can identify as such but fail to keep under control. He is a child who longs for his mother’s goodnight kiss every night. He knows that seeing his mom before bed will ease his mind, he knows this for certain that he decides he just would not possibly be able to sleep without seeing her. He also knows that his parents will not be very understanding of this and that he might get into trouble. To him, the trouble is worth it, his mom and only his mom can calm his racing thoughts and the anxiety flowing through his body. This gives us some insight into the kind of parents they are, but as we were told earlier in the book, people are who we perceive them to be and many times our knowledge of who they are is not comprehensive and as a result, our perception is often inaccurate.
I sympathize with this character whose name I don’t even know. I understand his anxious brain and that his parents don’t always know how to address his needs. I was surprised that his dad encouraged his mom to sleep in his room to soothe him. I was even more surprised how his mom was such a great comfort to him not just due to her mere presence, but she knew exactly what to do to soothe her child. I say I was surprised because of how scared he was at staying up to see his mom or kiss her too many times in the presence of company, he thought she would be furious and she nearly was. This makes me wonder, how far should parents go to provide comfort to a sensitive child without enabling and encouraging their dependence? In my opinion, there is nothing lonelier than a child trying to make sense of their feelings alone, at night, in their bedroom.
This book was beautifully written, many times I would reread sentences just to appreciate their beauty. And then I realized, this is a translated version! How beautiful must the original be. Here’s a quote that particularly stood out to me:
“…I would put beforehand into this kiss, which was bound to be so brief and furtive everything that my own efforts could muster, would carefully choose in advance the exact spot on her cheek where I would imprint it, and would so prepare my thoughts as to be able, thanks to these mental preliminaries, to consecrate the whole of the minute Mamma would grant me to the sensation of her cheek against my lips, as a painter who can have his subject for short sittings only prepares his palette, and from what he remembers and from rough notes does in advance everything which he possibly can do in the sitter’s absence.”